


Hey Baby, Wanna Destroy the World?

by ShinobiCyrus



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Evil, Dan Phantom - Freeform, Dark Danny, F/M, Flirting, Minor Decapitation, Minor Violence, No such thing as too much trouble, Plant!Sam, Plantbending, References to Hamlet, Very Minor, Welcome to the Jungle, because I'm a nerd, don't worry he'll be fine, evil best friends with benefits, minor immolation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-20 16:44:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1517807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinobiCyrus/pseuds/ShinobiCyrus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Y'know," Dan's head said. "I think you and I just got off on the wrong foot. Or whatever severed body-part is appropriate."</p><p>“You cut off my arm," the plant-girl accused. </p><p>"And you cut off my head," he replied, as if such things were immaterial. Of course, for ghosts, most things were. "What’s a little dismemberment between friends?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hey Baby, Wanna Destroy the World?

**Author's Note:**

> _A little fic I wrote inspired by tumblr artist **[Ghostlazer's](http://ghostlazer.tumblr.com/)**  phanart featuring Dark Danny and Plant!Sam (with permission). Warnings for boobies and good-natured decapitation.  _
> 
> [ **_It's ALMOST a Kiss_ ** ](http://ghostlazer.tumblr.com/post/51959378825/its-almost-a-kiss-i-totally-forgot-to-draw)
> 
> [ **_Evil Friends with Benefits_ ** ](http://ghostlazer.tumblr.com/post/51947841607/evil-friends-w-benefits)
> 
> [ **_Can't Stop Won't Stop_ ** ](http://ghostlazer.tumblr.com/post/51972818515/cant-stop-wont-stop)
> 
>  

The blade was the same shade of the blue at the center of a flame. It easily went through Walker’s bounty-hunter and the massive oak behind him. The ghost clutched at his chest and wordlessly choked as it melted into a pile of ectoplasm like hot wax. Dan yanked the sword free from the tree, snuffed the blade out, and belted the hilt to his side. 

He’d ducked into this corner of the Ghost Zone to dodge the heat. Now, he was lost in a thick jungle being hunted by Walker’s goons  _and_  the local fauna. Every few feet he was confronted by drooling Venus flytraps, flowers shooting poison barbs, or trees that tried to beat him with their branches. 

Oh well, nothing some well placed energy blasts couldn’t solve. There really weren't that many problems that wouldn't be solved by a thorough application of violence, come to think of it.

A girl’s voice hissed through the branches and leaves. "You are not welcome here, little boy."

Dan circled for the source of the voice. “Well, if I only went where I was welcome, I’d never get out of the house.”  

"You invade my home, pollute my garden, attack my children…"

"Children? I haven’t attacked any kids this week." Another set of Venus flytraps hissed behind him. Dan took the hilt of the sword from his belt and spun around swinging. The blade ignited to life instantly and sliced all three of the the things’ heads off in a single cut like a scythe through wheat. As the headless stems wiggled and shrieked, it dawned on him. "Wait…"

Something grabbed at his ankle. He looked down at the fresh vines snaking up and around his legs. He hacked at one, blasted another with his free hand, but more and more kept bursting from the ground. Flowers blossomed at the ends of some of the vines, one managed to bite Dan’s wrist through his chainmail and made him drop the sword. Out of his grasp, the blade extinguished and the useless handle fell onto the grass. 

"Son of a-" He mulched a few more with ecto-beams, but it wasn’t particularly effective. The flowers surged towards him and swallowed his fists, greedily absorbing the ectoplasmic energy he channeled to his hands. 

"Okay, this is getting a bit too kinky for my tastes," Dan told them, and focused on phasing himself out of the growths’ grasp. 

Except that didn’t work so much, either. Dan felt his power seeping out of his legs, his arms, a sensation like heat and blood draining out, feeding the vines. He had to resort to kicking, struggling, trying to pull the damn things out by their roots. Even more wriggled out of the soil like so many earthworms, tougher than steel cables and vicious like snakes. They wrapped around his body, piecing vines and bone creaking pressure squeezing him. Bound and unable do anything more than twitch a finger.

"Struggle all you like," the voice grew closer. "My children do not release their prey once they have a hold of it." 

A girl descended down from the great tree on a canopy of vines. Her bare hands and feet were stained green with chlorophyll, jade hair cut short hair and tangled with twigs and snapping blossoms; her eyes were the same shade of bright leaves, rosy pupils alight with satisfaction. 

She also wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing besides a skirt of hot pink flower petals.  

"Nice…" Dan said appreciatively. 

Plant-girl was completely indifferent to having her chest leered at. Then again, she probably wouldn't be running around like that if she was shy. The vines gently set her down on the grass. She walked barefoot with a dancer’s dainty steps- even took the time to enjoy the feel of soft earth between her toes. 

"I thought there was something familiar about you," she made her way closer. "You’re that ghost-boy everyone has been talking about."

"I guess I should say I don’t like to brag, but that would make me a liar  _and_  famous.”

"Infamous, more like. The rumors  _did_  say you had a tendency to get yourself into all kinds of trouble.”

"No such thing as too much trouble," Dan smirked. He really should get that tattooed somewhere. 

"A three million price on your head seems like it would be enough." 

"Three-point-five," he corrected her. The closest he could manage to a shrug was a tilt of his head. "So is that your plan? Put a flower in my hair like a bow and cash me in?"

"I am a gardener," she dismissed the notion and absently pet a flower that grinned like a pleased puppy. "I have no use for trivialities like money. If I  _was_  going to turn you in, I would be handing you over to those ghosts that were chasing you instead of feeding them to my children.” 

"You got Walker’s guys? Hope it wasn’t anyone I knew. Random people are good and fun, but I prefer the personal touch of killing familiar faces."

"I said nothing of killing," the corner of her eyes twinkled. "Digestion is a slow, agonizing process."

"Oh. Well that’s a relief." He raised a suggestive eyebrow. "So…was there something _else_ you had in mind, since you've got me all to yourself?"

"My children are sated, for now." A few more cat steps and there she was, half naked and smirking with unpleasant anticipation. "I thought maybe I should take the opportunity to indulge a little…" she stroked a finger under his chin, leaning so close that not even an inch separated their mouths. "…and devour you myself."

Dan’s forked tongue tasted the tip of one of his fangs. “Damn, now I’m conflicted.” 

Her breath smelled like freshly cut grass; the scents of a flower shop seeped out of her pores. It was…oddly intoxicating. 

"I should warn you before you take the first bite," His hair swayed like a flickering candle. "Last time somebody tried to make me lunch I turned out to be a little too…" The vines binding him started to smoke. "… _hot_  to handle.”

Dan burst into flames like a match struck in a gas-filled room, detonating with a concussive wave of heat and blue fire.

As the smoke and flaming leaves settled, Dan stood tall in the center of the scorched, flattened clearing. He laughed and held up his unbound arms. “Ha! Who doesn’t love a good pun?” 

The wall of blackened tree roots that had risen to shield the plant-girl crumbled into ashes. Unmarked and unimpressed, she asked, “Do you think the Wood fears fire? Fire is nature’s great purifier. Sick trees, rotting logs, weeds and dead leaves burn away to make room for new growth. What is ash and dust…” a wave of her hand erases the charred earth with a bloom of shocking green grass and blossoming flowers. “…is the Wood made new.” 

"I just like it when shit burns." 

She raised her hand at him. He felt the soil beneath his feet shift as the vines from before rushed to grow back. 

Dan cleared the distance between them in a single lunge, willing the hilt of his sword to come to him. It flew into his hand and -faster than plant-girl could react- cleanly severed her arm right past the elbow. The girl shrieked and fell to her knees, sobbing as she clutched the oozing green stump. 

"No more tentacles for me, thanks," Dan stood over her, sword glistening. 

The girl stopped crying and cracked a smile like a switch had been flipped. Holding up her stump for Dan to see, he watched roots like little worms grow out her arm and twine together, forming into the shape of a hand while ectoplasm seeped over it like putty and morphed into skin. She flexed the fingers of her new hand and grinned wickedly at him. 

"Okay, I should have seen that coming," Dan admitted. 

Something like a thin red cactus grew into her hand, and a thin, curved blade slowly slid out of it still slick with the green. She swung her newborn sword, Dan moved to block it with his own. Deft as a fencer, she parried his bulkier sword aside, and with a flick of the wrist removed Dan’s head from his neck. 

"Should have seen that coming too," she said.  

His rolling head came to a stop at her feet. “Probably,” he admitted, looking up at her. “But I’m not minding the view from down-” she planted a dirty foot on his eye. “AH! NOT THE FACE!”

"Silly little Yorick," she picked him up by his hair and held him so they were nose to nose. "You’re all face, now."

"A Hamlet joke?" He groaned. "Really?"

"What’s this? An educated delinquent? I’m almost impressed."

Dan winked. “Admit it, I’m growing on you.”

"Excellent idea," she quipped. "I’ll bury you in some topsoil and see if you grow back next spring." 

"Geez, so hostile. Y'know, I think you and I just got off on the wrong foot. Or whatever severed body-part is appropriate."

She lifted the regrown hand that held the sword. “You cut off my arm.”

"And you cut off my head,"he replied, as if such things were immaterial. Of course, for ghosts, most things were. "What’s a little dismemberment between friends?"

"We’re not friends," she said sternly. 

"Oh come on," he pouted. "You should be honored- it’s a pretty exclusive list. So far the only other two are a dog and a tyrannical ghost-pharaoh." Dan’s crimson gaze drifted below her face. "He’d like you." 

"I think I’ll have to pass," she drawled with mock regret. 

Somehow he managed to shrug with just his eyes. “Suit yourself. I’m just saying…you and I? The  _mayhem_  we could pull of together? Probably end up doubling- no!  _Tripling_  my bounty. Get you on the most-wanted list too, if you want.” 

"You really know what a girl wants out of life." 

"I’m serious," he said, surprising her. He almost sounded like it. "I didn't get to be numero-uno on those Eyeballs’ ‘Best of the Bad’ list for nothing. I know things. Secret paths, forgotten corners of the Ghost Zone so old no one Dead knows ‘em but me."

Despite herself, her interest was piqued. “What paths?”

“ _Portals_ , beautiful. Doors. Some leading to more secret places in the Zone, others going back to the human world.”

"The  _human_  world?” she hissed, mouth full of venom. “A world full of savages that rape and ravage Nature for parking lots and…and… _shopping malls_?!”

“ _Now_  I got your attention,” he grinned with his fangs. “I had a feeling you’d love the idea of arming trees with chainsaws and sic’ing ‘em after the lumberjacks.”

It sounded like everything she ever wanted. She narrowed her eyes at him, suspicious. “You’re just saying this so I won’t turn you into mulch.”

"Could be," he admitted. "Maybe I’m helpless and totally at your mercy." 

She looked over at the ghost-boy’s body, lounging lazily in mid-air with its arms folded behind an absent head. 

"Or maybe…" He continued. "I burn the world down, you grow a Jungle over the charred rubble of their shopping malls, and then we take what humans are left and start the  _real_  fun and games.” 

She planted her sword into the ground and held both sides of the Phantom’s head as if she needed to weigh the answer from his skull. 

"Well sexy, whaddya say?" he asked. "Wanna destroy the world?"

Giving him a sultry smirk, she brought Dan’s head close to her face, parted her lips as she brought him nearer…then threw him at his own body. Without hand-eye coordination, the body botched the catch and got knocked out of the air, both landing hard on the ground.

"Oh you are evil," he gave her an upside-down glare. 

"Call me Sam." 

**Author's Note:**

> God, this was fun to write. Really, doing anything with Dark Danny is always a blast. I just imagine what I would do if I had superpowers and absolutely no moral compass whatsoever and come to think of it maybe I should be worried with how the mindset of a psychopathic teenaged supervillain comes to me easily. Meh, maybe later. 
> 
> I wrote this over a year ago for Phanniemay, and while I definitely have ideas for doing at least one more story within this 'Everyone's Evil and Possibly Boning' continuity, it's gonna have to contend with an army of other in-progress stories. So for the time being this fic will be standalone, but expect it to be part of a series...eventually.
> 
> In the meantime, hope you enjoyed the fic, and do be sure to give props to the Ghostlazer. Gorgeous arts deserve love and attention.


End file.
